Humanity
by jAyesque
Summary: AU. The human whose death could not be avoided, and the death god who had come to retrieve his soul. A love that would never- could never happen, and a twisted joke from fate; cause maybe- just maybe, if they had met in another lifetime, they would have gotten their chance at happily ever after. Shizaya. #21


Humanity

I do not own DRRR.

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Izaya shifted in his seat, and attempted to move himself into a more comfortable position. He was currently sitting at his desk, trying to ignore the goosebumps that had risen on his skin. He cursed, wondering if he was becoming more human by the day. A harsh, but quiet laugh filled the empty room and the death god ran his fingers through his raven locks. He wondered how he had regressed to this state, when a fleeting vision of a certain blonde human briefly appeared in his mind. Izaya shook his head in denial, trying to rid himself of the image. It was all that damn protozoan's fault that he was becoming this soft.

The brunette closed his eyes for a moment not really noticing how fatigued he was until now. A few seconds later he opened them, but he realized that his eyelids were heavier than they were before. He frowned as he remembered that death gods didn't normally get tired.

_"You're underestimating me, Shiki-san," Izaya smirked playfully. He moved his arm acrosse the chess board and took one of the older man's knights. "I've been on tons of missions. Why would this one be any different?"_

_"I'm just reminding you, Orihara-san," Shiki replied curtly, glancing at the younger death god. "Just because you've accomplished an astounding number of missions, you're still no where near Akabayashi's skill level. Let me remind you that you've only been a death god for a year; there's still some human inside of you."_

_Izaya scowled, studying the chess board intently. A wry grin found it's way onto his face as he moved his piece. "Checkmate," he called carelessly, leaning back and waiting for further lecturing._

_Shiki calmly nodded, and averted his attention to the young male in front of him. "You know that we aren't allowed to love. It's been a curse to us death gods for years. Our sole purpose is to retrieve the lives of those who are dying and move onto the next case. Forming any specific attachment to a certain human will be your downfall."_

Izaya dropped the book he had been reading, and rested his head on the cold wood of the desk. The sunset that was there when he had last looked out the window was gone, and instead a black sky stood in its place. The young death god had locked himself away inside the study of the mansion for hours now, and he didn't plan on coming out anytime soon. It was better to freeze (not that it was possible for death gods like himself) or perhaps go insane from loneliness than interact with the blonde. The ex-bartender was his curse, and Izaya tried to avoid contact with him as soon as he realized the effect it was having on him. But deep down inside, right before he fell asleep, he chastised himself for being so cowardly.

A sudden knock at the door shook him from his thoughts, and stole his immediate attention.

"Enter," Izaya called swiftly, propping himself up on his two elbows. One hand secured the spine of the book while the other lazily intertwined itself into raven locks.

There was hesitation from the other side of the door, but finally the doorknob turned and in strode the cursed blonde that Izaya had spent hours trying to avoid- Shizuo.

"Izaya," he said quietly. "You should go to bed, it's late."

Izaya laughs, a jarring sound against the tense silence.

"I don't need sleep, Shizu-chan. If anything, I should be the one saying that."

Shizuo frowned and walked closer to the man. As he approached, Izaya noticed he was carrying two steaming mugs- one hot chocolate, and a tea. A funny feeling stirred in the death god's heart as the mug was set in front of him; the aromatic, familiar scent of jasmine soothed him and tentatively he reached his hand forward to grasp the cup.

"I had a feeling you'd want some tea," Shizuo called, walking to the other side of the study to pull a chair over. Given the blonde's superhuman strength, Izaya wasn't quite sure why he was dragging the heavy chair against the floor. The brunette stayed silent, and observed Shizuo quietly. The other man had always been like an enigma; a walking mind game- and for some odd reason, Izaya began to develop a soft spot for him.

A few moments after Shizuo had settled himself beside Izaya's desk, the blonde became restless. He put his mug down with a little too much force, and a light splatter of hot chocolate coated the desk.

"Shizu-chan," Izaya reprimanded, standing up to get a cloth. "Be more careful."

Shizuo glared at him and stood up to catch his arm. Izaya winced at Shizuo's tight grip on his wrist. The blonde instantly took note of this and loosened his hold.

"I haven't seen you in what? Six hours? Either I'm going crazy or you're avoiding me," Shizuo said quietly, a strained laugh escaping from his lips. Izaya turned away, refusing to look the man in the eye.

"This isn't one of your stupid worries about becoming more human is it?"

"It's not a stupid worry Shizu-chan- it's completely logical for me to worry about something like this."

Shizuo glared at the wall stubbornly, not wanting to hear that answer. He had been waiting; waiting for much too long now, and he was growing more impatient by the minute.

Izaya was aware of the blonde's feelings for him. He wasn't sure how strong they really were, but he knew they existed.

"You know that I want you."

"You don't really make it much of a secret," Izaya hissed. "But fate has it that things just aren't going to work out that way. I'm a death god. You're a human. I'm here to take your life an- why do you insist on- _hmmph-!_"

Izaya could barely register what was going on when he felt himself collide with a hard chest, while soft lips suddenly claimed his own. Slowly, his hands which had been hanging limply at his sides, wrapped themselves around the blonde's neck and Shizuo's grip on Izaya's waist tightened in approval. Izaya closed his eyes and leaned in, deepening the kiss.

A minute or so later, the two broke apart, flushed faces and heavy breath.

"Shizu-chan," the death god began quietly. "You know we can't do this. You know that this is-"

"I don't give a fuck, Izaya. I'm dying. Why should I even care?"

"It's not all about you, you idiotic protozoan. If I gain more of my humanity it leaves me more vulnerable, and I could be killed by the panel," Izaya hissed. "Does that mean anything to you?"

Shizuo stiffened as Izaya delivered the news. "I..."

"Good night Shizu-chan," Izaya stated plainly, indicating that he was no longer open to casual chatting. A searing pain was beginning to throb in his shoulder, and it was making it hard for him to focus.

_'Don't I just become more susceptible to human diseases? I don't just... hurt for no reason, do I?" _Izaya wondered. He winced, and stole a quick glance towards Shizuo to make sure he had not caught onto anything.

The blonde (oblivious as ever) let go of the death god's wrist, which he wasn't even aware that he was still holding. With a final, parting glance he turned his back towards Izaya, and not another word was said, as he strode out of the door as quickly as he had come and shut the door firmly behind him.

Izaya eyes didn't leave the wall until he heard Shizuo open the door to his own bedroom. Once he had finally looked up, he didn't bother to hide the hurt expression on his face.

This had gone on for too long now. It had been a year since they had first met, and since then their relationship had evolved in ways unimaginable. It started out with them hating the other's guts to the point that they couldn't even stand being in the same room with each other- but that phase was short lived. After a few months, they began to communicate and became civil at best. It was on New Years Eve, at the very end of the year that things had taken a turn for the better. It started with a late night conversation, a glass or two of wine, and suddenly, the two found that they were capable of tolerating one another.

_"You meet a lot of interesting people in this 'profession', Shizu-chan," Izaya stated, a grin on his face. "There are the maniacs who refuse to cooperate and believe they're hallucinating. You get the ones that sob in corners pitifully as if they were going to die the very next minute. What is your take on this whole thing? Are you ready to die?"_

_Shizuo shrugged indifferently, a slightly troubled look on his face. "I don't have much to live for, honestly. If I died I'd regret not being able to complete a few goals, but I'd accept it."_

_Izaya's eyes widened for a moment, but he recovered quickly. "Well, that's interesting."_

_"What is it like being a death god?"_

_"Like I said earlier, we meet a lot of interesting people. I guess it's pretty fascinating for someone like me, given the fact that I love humans."_

_"That's some screwed up logic," Shizuo stated._

_"I suppose you could say that, Shizu-chan."_

With the exception of a few small arguments, from then on, the two seemed to get along decently. It started off with the little things such as: preparing breakfast for one another, to hanging out, to the night that Shizuo finally gave in to his temptations and kissed the death god.

Izaya rubbed at his temples and anticipated a headache. Their dynamic was too strange- too unpredictable. They'd talk, they'd act all casual, and then the protozoan would just _kiss_ him. Not that Izaya didn't enjoy it; he just couldn't afford to enjoy it. If the brunette were to willingly succumb to Shizuo's affection he would pay with his own life. Rule breakers were punished severely in the underworld, and while in the human world, Izaya's physical health would deteriorate rather quickly. It was a curse that was cast onto all death gods thousands of years ago, and no rule breakers ever lived past their punishment day.

The life that Izaya currently lead didn't have room for love and that was a reality he couldn't escape. He was a death god, and Shizuo was a man who was about to die. Izaya's job was to retrieve his soul and make sure his death didn't disrupt the delicate balance of the underworld.

Not that he loved Shizuo or anything- he did feel something for the blonde- but he wasn't sure what it was actually.

Maybe in another life, maybe he would have been able to reciprocate Shizuo's feelings to the fullest. Maybe in another life, he would be able to kiss the blonde with everything he had. Maybe in another life, he would be able to whisper sweet nothings without restraint... and... maybe in another life, he could have loved Shizuo too.

The death god's thoughts were suddenly interrupted when a sharp, stinging pain shot through his chest.

Izaya gritted his teeth, enduring the pain to the best of his ability.

'_This humanity crap. It's happening already,' _he cursed, shutting his eyes tightly. Beads of sweat began to roll down his forehead, and he fell onto the ground in a heap, tightly curled into a ball.

The pain was a clear sign:

Orihara Izaya can't dream; and even if he could, he wouldn't allow himself to.

This was his reality, and he couldn't let any damn feelings stand in his way.

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Oh man, I've really gotten rusty. I haven't written anything in so long, haha. I hope this was okay. It was originally supposed to be a really short drabble, but it somehow... evolved, and now it'll probably be a multichaptered fic. XD Anywaaaays, if any of my GA fans are reading this, I'm so so so sorry for not updating any of those fics, but DRRR has stolen my heart, and I promise I'll try and get you guys an update soon. /shot

Review if you feel like it? :)

-J


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